The Naked Truth

Yesterday went to geylang for staff steven's treat... Finally saw his wife... Not bad la both of them quite compatiable... I also saw all the DA 2IC as he invited ex 2IC as well... Wilson brought his gf there also... When she said that i looked like the hong kong actor, Zhang zhi ling (forgot his name), i think that's special bcoz nobody ever said that i looked like this actor... She even said that my face tells her that i always kenna bullied by people... Damn pro...

After dinner everyone went to a pub in Chinatown... Forgot what is the name but heard from Adrian that it's a homosexual pub... We notice there's gays, lesbians and butch inside... One gay even stared at our people.. Zzz... Damn obvious... They kept asking me to drink but i kept rejecting them... Told them that my asthma will be triggered off... So i drank coke instead... The real reason is actually drink too much beer will make your belly grow bigger... Lol... Musdt keep fit that's why...

Finally can go off and i went to meet Alvin and Jeremy for a drink... And what a "drink" it was... We are deciding whether to go chill out only or go to places where we can drink and dance... I told them to go to places where we can drink and dance la... To forget all my sorrows... Now i understands how she felt...

We went to DBL O... Feel abit strange la only the 3 of us... Initially we were quite sian la coz it's still early that time and the fun have not started yet... Strange thing was when i drank, my asthma did not trigger... It takes awhile to make a person drunk and high... I was on the dance floor and i can't control my movement much although my brain is still awake... The feeling is so strange.. Losing control man... Just like what they show in the movie... You might think that you are awake and clear but you cant even walk in a straight line... Lol funny feeling... My head is so heavy and once i danced, i cant stop... They kept drinking and i followed them until i cant take it.... I laid my head on the table and when i wake up, they are closing shop already...

Another day just passed... So fast... Just like that...

Labels: High high high...

She finally msg me... First thought was of coz to think that she had sort out her thinking... As in wat she really wants... Initially i was hoping to see some positive things in the msg... But the msg she sent was not the most positive... She mentioned that she still cant commit and love wont be her priority... Mixed feelings... I thought about it for the whole afternoon... Before making the decision, somehow i thought of wat Pam said... I would like to try again... Maybe for the last time?? No one knows for sure...

While telling her my decision, she kept giving negative points... Like she wont be a gud gf etc etc... I'm quite disappointed with all her replies... Everything is negative on her mind now so how do i expect her to change her thinking even for a little tiny bit in the future?? I'm getting worried... I'm staring to lose confidence now... I'm afraid my patience will run off... I know the reason for being so negative is so that i wont be hurt badly and she wants me to be prepared... Hai... I dun wan her to be so stress and depressed anymore that's y i dun wan her to think about it anymore... I will do the thinking instead...

What should i do... I'm confused too... Is giving up the best choice now?? Or will maintaining how we are now benefits the most now?? Why is love always so heartbreaking and confusing... Pondering time...

Labels: Decisions making...

For the past few days when i did not meet her, it seems that actually a few weeks have passed... I tried my best not to msg her as well... I did it quite fine at first but i thought of her more and more as time passed... Guess tat's normal afterall... Actually we agreed to cool down after our conversation on wednesday nite but it seems tat we r not prepared to do tat yet... Tat's y we still msg each other for few days...

Yesterday actually we wanted to meet for lunch but she wanted me to rest at home since i was a bit sick... Then she said maybe we can meet for dinner o wat... Initially i was thinking hard whether to meet her or not since we agreed to cool down but i really wanted to see her... I missed her!!!

I chatted with her in msn till evening time and i da bao some home cooked food for her... The moment i saw her, my heart melts... I felt that i did not see her for ages... It's really gud to see her smiling again... We were quite quiet while having our dinner... Suddenly she stoned while drinking soup... I felt that she was thinking about us...

On our way to compasspoint, she laid her head on my shoulder while walking to the bus stop saying "Stress ah"... She looked like a little princess full of trouble to me... I touched her face and stared at her eyes for the first time asking her y is she stress... She said tat she is afraid to make the wrong decision and regret it... During the whole journey to and back from compass, we were holding each others tightly as if there's no tml... This is wat i like and had not experienced it during the past... The feeling was great...

She told me that she was already confused when she din see me for the past few days... When she saw me, she is more stress... She thinks alot... Then from the tone of the msg, i noe she had decided to really cool down already...

Today i was on leave and i planned to take a gamble by not telling her that i will be sending her to sch... I was telling myself, if i get to meet her, tat means i might still stand a chance of being together wif her again... If not, then we are not fated to be together... i waited at the bus stop at 8... I thought that she might be taking alternative route to sch coz 8.30 i still haven see her yet... Finally she came... My beautiful Pea... Along the way we were very quiet... From there i understand wat she means... No holding of hands or watever... It's clear that she is really thinking hard... In the evening she said that we should really cool down... That's the last blow...

I did some soul searching too... I realized that i have fault too... Too giving and too mild tempered... I will do the hard way to tackle this problems of me to ensure that it wont happen ever again... Thanks for the advice... I just hope that one fine day the clouds will be cleared away and sunshine will be high up in the sky again... I dun wanna end it this way!!!

Labels: Cooling down period...

I just felt that it's unfair to give out everything inculding your heart but just to recieve back a minimal effort... But tat's life... I won't complain too much...

I admit that initially i do not dare to commit too much into this relationship but as time passed by, she changed my thinking... I love her more and more as days and months passed... I do not care about what her frends say about me, what they think about me, whether i suit her or not becoz the love i have in her is too great... I think about her... Think of our past... Think of what we did together... Every moment is so perfect to me... Everyday is just like a new start... I yearn to see her the moment i wake up from my bed... How i wish the first person i see everyday when i open my eyes to be her... But still this is reality... Reality is cruel... All the thinking is nothing unless it's done... Now itseems to me that this might not be archieve...

I'm just a simple guy searching for the one... Everytime i thought i got it, i realized that god just played a trick on me... In my dreams, i seems to find the perfect lover... How i wish i could be in the dream for ages to come... Sad to say so, dreams are always dreams... Sooner or later u have to wake up to face the cruel world...

Couples dun understand one thing... Love dun last, you have to make it last... Whatever heated arguments they have, they should sit down together and talk about how to solve the problem... Rather than thinking that the oppparty is at fault... That's really fatal... Communication is part and parcel of a successful relationship...

I have love in you but not to the extend to changing my mentality... Tat's really disheartening for me... Even a patient guy like me can't take it... Is accepting me really that difficult??

That day when she introduced me to ur sch's that gal frend... First impression is of coz wat i told her... She is not chio till the extend of what she described to me... That's the truth... For now of coz she's the most beautiful gal in my eyes... I only have eyes for her... That's love...

The frend whom we went to find at expo suan her about how unfeminine she was... Do you think i really mind about all those... In my eyes she's the perfect gal i know even though wat ever bad points she has... Love covers all the bad points and turns it into good points... That's the beauty of love...

Accept one another flaws and treat it as a good point... I did it and so can the other couples... It's not that difficult as what i had thought of before... The search of the one is hard and tedious but if one day she can change her thinking, i'm more than happy to be with her for the rest of my life...

I'm really demoralized now... I know i cant give her up easily but i have a decision to make... If i dun make it, i'm sure it won't do me any good... If i'm not the one who can change ur thinking, i'm cool to make way... She asked me to teach her how to save this relationship... If i can tell her using words i guess couples won't break up so easily... It's all about the extend of love she has for me... I guess she still have no ideal of what she wants... But that's really very sad bcoz it has been more than 1 year already... Whatever is the decision, it's a difficult one to make especially when i gave my heart to her...

Labels: Pondering time...

Finally got the chance to accompany her to sch today... The feeling was gud... Lol... It has been such a long time since i had this kind of going-to-sch feeling... Missed it damn much...

Went to meet Mr Dumb and Su at Serangoon after sending her to sch... We ended up at Suntec and just nice she was going to have her lunch at Marina Sq... She msg me saying that later i will have a chance to meet her chio bu friend dun miss it... Lol... As she always told me that her frend is chio bu so i tend to think that she is really chio... Maybe my expectation is high but i think i will give her around 6-7 over 10 ba... Haha...

Wat can i say about her... Dun noe how to cherish a gud guy... Haha dun wanna talk too much about her oso... It's her life... Saw that guy also... Haha wat a match... Zzz...

I'm thinking how come when she's with her frend and i'm with her, she will be like so full of energy and life... The way she treats me is also different from the way she treat me when there is only the two of us... Strange but i realized that that's the way... Hmm...

She is my priority... In front of everything and anything... Is it vice versa too? To be or not to be... That's the question...

Labels: Meeting her "Chio Bu" friend...